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....and me not getting to, i have decided that these are the plays that i want to go to in the next 8 months lol...

March.... WICKED. yeah, that's right, tyler and i decided that we are going on my birthday!

April: Grease! Ok, I am sorry, but i totally want to see Grease. I LOVE IT

June: This is my favorite.... RENT. I saw it when i was a sophomore in high school and I totally have to see it again.

So that is all that Keller Aud. has announced yet, but i am so going to ALL of those. Anyone else want to atttttend with me?

May. 6th, 2008

I tried. I really did. I thought things were going good. I thought I was over it.

I think I am still in love with my best friend. Like a lot still in love with my best friend.

The more that we talk and hang out and.... everything.... i fall a little more.




ok, so i have been having little minor heart attacks about every 20 minutes or so for the last few days because Ryan (and brandon too) is living RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of all of the fires that are going on right now in California. And come on, if you haven't heard about these fires, please do me a favor and crawl out from under that rock you are living under.

ANYWAY! Two weeks ago, he transfered out the area that is basically 100 gone, and I couldn't remember that until about, oh, last night, when I called his mom and was like, "wait, he transfered out of there, right???" but I guess the apartment complex that he was living in is basically just ashes right now. And where he is living now? Its on the very edge of the Rice Fire. Which happens to be the one that Brandon is working on right now, since they ran out of firefighters and this fire is basically along the base....

When there was no email from Ryan last night, his mom and I were basically freaking out. I was glued to the news, trying to find out ANYTHING, while his mom called the mission presidents, etc.

Then I just checked my email and YAY!!!! Ryan got to a computer and emailed this whole huge thing about what is going on, etc etc, where he is, that he is safe, what he is doing to help and I have to be honest, I almost broke down and cried right here. But i am at school and I am in the middle of the LRC and that would have been crazy weird. Instead, I am relieved beyond belief about Ryan.

Now I just have to know that Brandon is ok and i will be able to breathe again.....


Jul. 31st, 2007

101 days til mexico. that seems like a lot. but the way the months have been FLYING past, its really not. And i'm hella excited.
its been a long freaking time since i have posted in this thing. its not for lack of things to say, trust me. mostly, its just because i am so fucking busy lately. ridiculously so. its gross really.

on the plus side, i finally got my tattoo on my foot. it looks good. well, minus the fact that its all scabbed and kinda gross right now. but at least its healing fast? i dunno. i will post pictures, but all i have right now are ones on my cell phone and those are tiny. once i take some with my real camera, i will be able to post them.

i want to take a vacation. badly. and i don't just mean from work and school. i want to take a vacation that involves flying and staying in a hotel and being not in the states of washington or oregon. and i want it now.

and now i have to go get ready for work. great. especially since i have to work with jessica. its pretty much just me and jessica and that makes me want to slit my throat.

Today, I realized.....

+That it has been 442 days since I have heard my best friend's voice.

+That I have 288 days left until I can hear it again.

+That I miss his voice more than anything.


Since it is 1:31am, it is technically the 8th of february. That means that today is the one year anniversary of the day that Ryan left. Its been a year. Too bad it feels like 5. ok, I lied a little bit. some days, it doesn;t feel like he's been gone that long. Other days, I sometimes feel like I will die if i have to go ANOTHER year without talking to him on the phone or seeing him in person. Its hell. I grab the phone STILL sometimes and go to dial him. I had to take him off "speed dial" for that reason. lame. I miss my best friend. more than freaking anything. can he come home now??? pleeeeeeeeeeeease?????

fucking lame.

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.... I am so bored.... I am avoiding my paper, since I got an extension on it.... hell ya for me getting an extension....

Its been a long time since I updated this thing... i don't know why... i have been writing in my "ryan" journal a lot, i think that is why I have been avoiding this one. my "ryan" journal is like a day to day run down of all the crap going on in my life that Ryan gets to read when he is finally home. Did I mention that that will be happening in 14 months? Do you know how freaking excited I am about that? THRILLED. Go figure that I am thrilled and I still have over a year. Do you know what i am NOT thrilled about??? Brandon resigning for 4 more years. Honestly, for someone who bitched and moaned about how much he hated the marine corp, he sure reinlisted fast. He was supposed to be home on january 1. But no. He has signed his ass up for 4 more years of hell, one of which will be served in iraq. fucking retard.

I have been thinking about quitting at the theatre. I really don't like working there lately. I mean, there are days where things are great, and there are mostly days where things are awful. There are just some managers that I cannot stand to work with. Honestly, its like I would rather be pulling all of my fingernails off one by one than work with these people. They have all gotten so lazy and obnoxious. Its really hard to make myself go to work every day. I used to love it. And now I dread it. Again, not EVERY shift is awful, but between the stupid, obnoxious customers and most of my co-workers, I am getting so sick of it all. But that seems to be my pattern, huh? Two years in a place and I am sick of everything and wanting to move on. I thought that I was wanting to move on at old navy because I was getting no respect. I think that it is worse at the theatre. I am an associate manager and I think that i am getting even less respect than I was as floor staff. Not from the employees, but from some of the managers. Its really getting on my nerves and I want to just be like, "god, you aren't better than me, so get the hell over yourself...." but no, I am nice and I just ignore everything and pretend there are no problems. lovely. And that in turn makes me never want to be there. It makes me want to just walk out.

Like on saturday night. if you got yelled at by someone who is technically your equal, and I mean, YELLED at, with accusations flying, and then later found out that they apologized to the other person they were yelling at but not you, would you feel hurt? maybe a little pissed? Oh believe me, I am. But I have resigned myself to admit that is person is not my friend. Never has been. I gave this person an awesome christmas present and I wish more than anything that I could just be like, "um, yeah, I made a mistake, I want it back, kthanks".... what a fucking waste of time and money. LAME. so all I have to say is FUCK YOU.

Ok, I am done bitching, sorry everyone! I love you all! Happy New Year... I hope the year is better than it has started out.... gah.

Nov. 28th, 2006

NEW ICONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOTS OF THEM! go see ALL of them, they are greeeeat!
Happy Birthday, Laura!

This is a little present for you to enjoy!

Unwrap the Magic!!!!Collapse )